true,genuine = false,fake

2009-05-17T08:27:00.003+08:00

night shift 3 am, i was very surprised to received ur call. u claimed that u could not sleep ( so called the main reason u dialled my number).ur speaking tone was extraordinary abnormal, very gentle. u were on mc after a laproscopic appendicectomy. u updated me everything from A-Z about u, i turned out to be a patient listener despite my confused patient was shouting and yelling to walk on her own to toilet after her hip fractured.. i went into the utility room, silently listen to u. u told me u were freaked out to undergo a general aneasthesia, in terms of waking up during the surgery whereby the surgeon is doing the operation and u could suddenly awake and feel the damm'it pain, like the scene in the movie 'AWAKE'..u told the anesthetist to pump in more sedation so that the horror is not there.. u told me u seriously missing me. u asked me to start all over again ( us). u asked me to re-build again (us). u asked me to re-connect it back (us). u asked me if we did not end it, will it still maintain till now, i said yes, if u did not turn ur back to me on that day. u strongly persuade me to give ourselves a try, and see how it goes, i told u we can go nowhere, except for another heartbreak again?.. u pleaded and pleaded, i did not give an exact answer. u have had many wonderful planning, for me and you, to go to another place , and establish a brand new relationship or family with u, with a marvellous plan of having a baby ( conceive by an artificial way) .. a 2-hour-chat-... i thought i was dreaming in the middle of the night, but i swore i did not. u were tearing. i explained my principles to u, i clarified my feeling towards u precisely,i reinforced my level of trust towards u , again. finally u said nevermind, doesn't matter, time will prove everything.

miss J, tell me how true is it? anyway, im not eager to know.

2009-05-11T23:22:00.002+08:00

im so blessed to have a family who is so concerned bout me, provides me with what i need , and be with me all the time . 8th may 2009 was a significant day in my life, part of my turning point . a big thank you to papa , mummy, mama, penny and meng!

2009-04-24T09:06:00.001+08:00

当然我会留恋，毕竟你是我唯一爱得最深的人。

2009-04-22T20:38:00.006+08:00

you will always know that the feeling of LOVE is no longer near you when you yourself can't even feel the rush of emotions or your heart beats fast easily anymore, although, the person that u think you're interested in is just standing right in front of you. you know it, you could feel the coated layer in your heart is still remain coated, and it never melts at all ~.. so, why not just close your eyes,save all the sweet memories in your heart, and surrender yourself to the future, no one knows what will happen , correct?

LifE is never reasonable and seldom does it makes any sense.

2009-04-20T22:29:00.004+08:00

四年前，你离我而去，使我感到彷惶无助，失去了中心点。我用了两年的时间，努力地把你淡忘，萧洒自如重新地回归当初没有你的日子。然而，又有谁会晓得我们分开四年后的某一天，你来到了我的工作岗位，很突然的出现，对我说你很想念我。。我对你很冷淡，可能你的出现的确翻起我的情海波浪，但那又不至于令我产生小鹿乱撞心花怒放而耿耿于怀的感觉。。

很可惜，你再也不能让我重新信任你。

2009-03-09T08:14:00.004+08:00

当你踏入人生的某个阶段，你就会领悟到喜不喜欢，和适不适合，

根本是两回事。

2009-03-06T02:05:00.000+08:00

i am a dreamer but when i wake.
goodbye my lover.
you have been the one.

2009-03-03T01:11:00.003+08:00

我们都在不断赶路，也忘记了出路，在失望中追求偶而的满足。
有谁能改变人生的长途，有谁知道永恒有多么恐怖，有谁能了解生存往往比命运还残酷。
我已经忘了身在何处，无止境的旅途看着我没停下的脚步，大家都在梦中解脱。
倾心的苦，流浪在灯火阑珊处，我们去不到终点，也回不到原点。
我想我们都不在乎。

2009-02-26T11:19:00.004+08:00

it is special and significant. and u wouldn't know how much i am missing it.

2009-02-24T17:28:00.002+08:00

我何时才可像你一样，静静地来，悄悄地去..

2009-02-23T21:37:00.007+08:00

pls explain to me what is the difference between Normal and Casual...
and what if it applies into a relationship , i keen to know the answer seriously.

oh actually i know the answer partially, casual r/ship is a no string attached thingy, but shouldn't u think if u're deeply liking a person , u would prefer a normal r/ship with her/him which is 1 to 1 instead of a polygamy thing?

generally, motives for all types of relationships vary, so there is no such thing as right or wrong.

basically, i only can accept a loving normal r/ship which include mutual support and understanding , affection , enjoyment and emotional element .. so yeah.

2009-02-23T11:35:00.001+08:00

really, really u know.. i find that ' time can heal everything ' this statement is very true . !

2009-02-21T08:32:00.002+08:00

i wonder why people can be so unoccupied and so free to do some frivolous stuff ?

maybe u will think i am one of them ..

2009-02-18T12:35:00.001+08:00

i think we started it on 14th feb. what do u think?

2009-02-13T12:11:00.002+08:00

well. i do believe people come and go. that's becoming part of my life, even if u think it's your turn now, i won't stop u. i will always remember the question u asked me the other night .. if u can live for 3000 yrs, would u remember the things or the memory that happened in the first 200 yrs?

happy-V

2009-02-04T21:07:00.002+08:00

you had your dreams,i had mine.
you had your fears,i was fine.
you showed me what i couldn't find when two different worlds collide.

2009-01-23T00:53:00.004+08:00

i cried because it is upsetting, im running away because things turned out beyond my control, u can call me coward, coz im jz a human being. i need wisdom now.

2008-07-26T22:30:00.019+08:00

another passer-by. all i could say is she meant a lot to me.

2008-06-27T00:05:00.004+08:00

the feeling of missing u is like nothing, nothing as in nothing in this world that can provide me a special indescribable feeling that nothing could beat it.. sorry ,im crapping again,because i miss u again . i miss u , mint.

2008-06-12T21:05:00.002+08:00

my hand is numb.listening to chasing cars,i looked out to the balcony and realized actually how much i like the scenic view that captured the eye,illuminating yellow twinkles at night,and the best hour was when twillight sets in.Its just a place operated when the lung hungers,but u know the feeling when u leave,its just sucked. You introduced me to marl fresh mint,but you left me alone with it.Just a little pinprick,but u may feel a little sick. Its somethings so tender that i cant explain.

2008-06-07T21:31:00.002+08:00

shower me with ur love. show me ur love that i longed for.

2008-06-03T21:13:00.004+08:00

ok, we will go slow,very slow as long as both of us are happy.i believe it will be better in time . im very glad that u have feelings toward me,and i do really appreciate it. we will go with the flow and see how the flow can shape us up. and i like the way u scold me idiot ; tease me,kick me and slap me using all those stupid emoticons in msn ,and of coz i like the way u covered up ur jeolousy when i told u something that u feel not good,and i like it a lot when u report to me how fantastic or how frustrated ur programme or classes were all day long,ur activities,ur emotional changes as well as ur hormone changes,we will hide under the blanket chat like nobody's business,express our feelings to each other in a sweet way,or in a sarcastic way as how we use to eventhough we are about kilometres away, but we are still thinking of each other day and night across the miles,and though we are surrounded by megahertz of soundwaves,separated with a tremendous space..and yet we did not hesitate to miss each other ,text each other..hmmh oh yeah,before my neuron pass by my synapse,we use to webcam each other our zombie face and we will kutuk each other like hell ,remember? ( im sure u knw i will stil think ur nice looking evnthough i laugh at u badly)
oh hell i love it so much,although everything is so uncertain,so fragile ,so unpredictable.but i will still give it a try,with a very slow pace,i will accompany u to move on steadily.

tday ,we have knew each other for 31 days. tell me if u wish to have another 20x of 31 days or even greater than that . i will be much more than happy . i miss u

-are we same script,different cast? lets see-

宝贝，去天堂的路上不要哭

2008-05-25T23:22:00.004+08:00

——给汶川大地震中遇难的孩子-

那个时候，天空有些灰蒙蒙
那个时候，阳光也不再耀眼

那个时候，你正在上课
那个时候，你的天真笑容依旧

宝贝，那一刻来临，没有人知道发生了什么，你是否害怕？
宝贝，那一刻来临，没有爸妈陪在身边，你是否感到孤单？

宝贝，你不喜欢躲藏在被子里，现在却被压在钢筋水泥下
宝贝，你从小就怕疼讨厌打针，现在却要承受多大的痛苦

宝贝，你原本应该在庇护下成长，但是这里的羽翼从来没有坚固过
宝贝，你本来可以拥有长久的人生，现在却早早地离开了这个世界

宝贝，原谅爸爸妈妈，不能伴你一起走，请等待不久的那天来团聚
宝贝，一路走好，去天堂路上不要哭，那里没有疼痛、惊慌和恐惧

请珍惜眼前人。

2008-05-24T19:37:00.002+08:00

当你见到天上星星可有想起我
可有记得今年我的脸曾为你更比星星笑得多
当你记得当年往事，你又会如何
可会轻轻凄然叹谓
怀念我在你心中照耀过
我像那银河星星让你默默爱过
更让那柔柔光辉为你解痛楚
当你记起当年往事你又会...如何
可会轻轻凄然叹谓
怀念我在你心中照耀过
当你记得当年往事，你又会如何
可会轻轻凄然叹谓怀念我在你心中照耀过我像那银河星星让你默默爱过更让那柔柔光辉
为你解痛楚
当你见到光明星星请你想起我
当你见到星河灿烂求你在心中记住..

记住我

2008-05-20T23:26:00.003+08:00

i've deleted a blog post in friendster which is the one contained ur comment that u claimed its similar with urs..i dont really know why i did it so.. i just do not want it to be there, and u do really think its similar with urs? pls tell me.

hw ya recently? u told me ya good ,sure?
im glad that i've approached u, connected it back.but it doesnt seem to be as fine as last time..its alright. jz hope that ur happy all the time.ur a good person .

2008-05-20T12:32:00.002+08:00

人人都说：“日有所思，夜有所梦。” 昨日我并没有想她，思念她。。但为何昨晚会在梦乡遇见她呢？不只相遇，还是有互动那一种。。我们两人一起往carpark拿车，遇见她的前男友充满神经质原封不动的站在车前，她没理会他，我们上了车，往某某车站去。。一路上，我们谈笑风声，无所不谈。。突然她很暧媚地用手抚摸我额头，慢慢地在上面画圈圈，很感触地。。我再也已控制不了自己了，疯狂地拥抱着她，吻了她的脸，她。。。。。。。。(一切都很模糊))。。。

我在梦里的感觉和心情简直就是当初我在现实喜欢你的感觉和心情，只是不敢再去频密地想念你，太多事情发生了。。。无可否认，你还是在我心中占有特殊的地位。

craps right??

but i do really miss u.

2008-05-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

爸爸来电，谈了不少政治新闻，世界大事，北京奥运，5.12四川地震。。。。当然最后也少不了生活上的点点滴滴。。也逃不过爸爸常问的问题，也就是我的前途打算,工作去向。。我也只好以我惯用的平和语气，相同的答案。。
爸，我正在计划中，虽然有点缓慢和懒散，但至少我已作出第一步。。
i miss u hell lot .

2008-05-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

i dont know what is it,but she drives me crazy.
i dont know what she did,but she drives me wild.
i dont know how it is,but she has the power, she can make me laugh when i wana cry.

ooh i reali dont know ,but she can make my day even just a text msg from her in da morning.

2008-05-14T13:43:00.002+08:00

to all mothers - <当我老了>

当我老了,不再是原来的我。
请理解我，对我有点耐心。
当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，
当我忘记怎样系鞋带时，

请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。

当我一遍有一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语，
请耐心地听我说，不要打断我。
你小的时候，我不得不重复那个讲过千白遍的故事，直到你进入梦乡。

当我须要你帮我洗澡时，
请不要责备我。
还记得小时候我千方白计哄你洗澡的情形吗？

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时，请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎样耐心的回答你的每一个“为什么”。

当我由于双腿疲劳而无法行走时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手扶我，
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，
请给我一些时间让我回想。

其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。

当你看着老去的我，请不要悲伤。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始学习如何生活时我对你一样。

当初我引导你走上人生道路，如今请陪伴我走完最后的路。

给我你的爱和耐心，我会抱以感激的微笑，这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

2008-05-08T18:40:00.002+08:00

5年kl的生活，凭着两年半的工作经验，是时候make a change了.
我很相信不同的国家，工作环境，对待和遭遇会改变某人，很可能换另一种人生。

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

姐姐要去韩国公干了，1am 班机。。bon voyage. i will miss u hell lot .take care

2008-04-15T00:30:00.003+08:00

当我正在浏览着个人photo album 时，无意中看到我和你唯一的合照，在starbucks。

一股心酸的感觉涌上心头，真的很失望，很难过。。为什么事情会沦落到这个地步。。

是不是不刻意去理会它会更加好。。问题或许都出自我本人。。

如果你已逐渐忘了我，我会觉得欣慰。毕竟，我不是你心目中的什么。最重要的是你高兴就好了，不会再去骚扰你，说废话。

2008-04-14T11:27:00.002+08:00

很辛苦。。早晨起身，通通被思念病给包围著。很想念已平安到达新加玻的大妹，很挂念她，不知她习惯吗？嬷嬷，妈，阿姨们，小妹,ima,真的很不舍的你们。。心里真的很沉重，有种不想面对世界，不想上班的感觉。。很想立刻飞驰地回家。。

太变态了，想家的感觉一波又一波地涌上心头。

还是去洗个脸，泡杯咖啡吧。

2008-04-12T21:48:00.003+08:00

Went for eye check up tday..astigmatism(destorted defect in lens) and myopia(short-sightedness) has severely increased :( well,its time to cut down my on line sessions.

2008-04-12T14:07:00.004+08:00

刚刚才发现你给了comment在friendster里。。
想对你说，我根本不知道你想说什么和究竟你要暗示什么东西？similar?
对不起，如果你认为他人会完完全全明白你的意思，所有长遍大论，你从头到尾一直都想表达的一切的话，你就错了。。
我太笨了，不能荣幸地成为您肚子里的小虫。。我的吸收力很慢，不像你那么机智，精明，还有理所当然的历害。
信不信，在于你。很可惜，你不可能也不会再愿意去了解我的为人。

2008-04-12T12:47:00.001+08:00

Where’d you go?
So never think I’d make you try to stay,
And maybe when we get there,
I’ll think enough,
To find another way,

When after all this time,
Is you still around,
You’re still the god falling nothing I have found,
So take your glass again,
And get out,
While you can,

Where’d you go?
And would you even turn to say,
I don’t love you,
Like I did yesterday,

Sometimes I cry so hard for pleading,
So sick and tired all the mean less meaning,
But baby when they knock you down and out,
It’s where you’ll wanna stay,

And after all the blood that you still have,
Another time I was chancing it all around,
So fix your eyes and get up,
Baby, get up,
While you can,

Where’d you go?
And would you even turn to say,
I don’t love you,
Like I did yesterday,

Where’d you go?
Would you have the guts to say,
I don’t love you,
Like I loved you,
Yesterday,
I couldn’t love you,
Like I loved you,
Yesterday,
I don’t love you,
Like I loved you yesterday

i dont love you -my chemical romance

2008-04-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

hooray!My younger sister Pearly has got an offer letter from NANYANG POLYTECHNIC at SPORE finally!she was tremendously happy..after all this while been waiting and waiting for it..Thank God for answering her prayer..and yet she needs guidance still ..all of us were 'kinda relieve' after we knew it as in she was being offered to have the subject that has been all the while in her mind ..my youngest sister Jessie was tearing when she got the news,because both of them are just too close at home,and pearly did guide her a lot in homeworks ,co-curiculum,fetching her here and there...so from next week onwards she will be alone in house..with 'elderly'..
=) no big deal..

so i will have 2 sisters graduate from NYP ,whom had enrolled into the same course,and the proud thing is they are both malaysian which is hardly acceptable in this course by the faculty..whahaha..im really proud of them..

will hang out more often in s'pore =)

i will miss u a lot,my dear sis.

2008-04-11T11:47:00.003+08:00

昨晚和睡眠小姐结婚6小时。。一早被妹妹叫醒，吃早餐和renew passport。现在眼皮的重量应该比你的体脂还要重。。连续当了4晚夜班，陆续发生了很多事情，白天很难入眠，很辛苦，唯有minimized我的活动，以免患上过度疲劳症。。

精神比肉体还要困倦。

今晚一定要再次约会睡眠小姐，添加一些流口水的湿吻，和她来一次甜蜜的长跑。

2008-04-09T19:17:00.002+08:00

Lets put a punctuation mark to everything.What u did is correct ,indeed.You impressed me for making the 1st move,called me up and approaced me.I understand that ur intention is good,to clear things upin a positive way.. or maybe its just that my level of acceptability is not being adjusted yet,everything happened in a glance which had hide underneath for quite sometimes..

friend,u are right and u did the correct measure..

lets just put it aside, it does not mean that im escaping from it..theres nothing we need to explain further..
somehow or rather,this is only what i can do meantime.

2008-04-09T15:14:00.002+08:00

如果我对你说没有伤感，那是错的。。有多少人可以真真做到？

misinterpret?got it or not?take it positively or vice versa? ....
u do not need to bother for all these...and to worry about.
u do not need to be so concerned if i was not feeling well,as u know our limit is there..
and u do not need to feel sorry..i did not have hard feelings to YOUR WORDS, i feel pathetic for myself..and u do not need to know why,its no longer related.

The more i express myself to you,the higher chance of increasing the misconception is there.

Furthermore,im just a stranger.A stranger is the best word to use, perhaps.
Im glad that we talked.in fact,its our longest conversation ever.

YOU will have good life ahead,best wishes from me. Thank you for dropping by.

2008-04-09T08:47:00.002+08:00

给我一团红火试验我。。
给我一场洪水冷静我，眼泪太多亦会聚成河。
你，你身边那宝座，我，‘之间’‘交流’。。。好多好多圆滑的说法，不同的字眼，你和她要表达的始终都是那一样，目的只有一个，对吗？

难道，我没有权力静静喜欢一个人？还是你对这一种感觉感到不安？对我的企图很怀疑，间接的对你的爱人很不公平。我很了解你的为人，你总须要一个了结，去解决。毕竟，我们不是五岁小孩吧。。满意这一句吗？

我无言以对，我还可以说什么，你会听入耳吗？噢对，我忘了也应该站在她的立场看待这样事情，对她太不公平了，你对我说。。。谢谢你教导了我那么宝贵的学问。。
你对我说你不是第一次这样做，这样做才是最好的解决方法。。那么，你有否想过，如果你喜欢的人对你说你的所作所为对她所爱的人有多不公平，多深的伤害的时候，你可以平静的接受吗？别忘了，所有的话都是从你爱的人口里说出来。。你唯有保持沉默，无声呻呤，继续哽咽。。

秉文，有没有人在乎你的立场？

请原谅我，做了那么多无谓的东西，严重的困扰你和你的爱人，造成须多不必要的麻烦。。。
恭喜你，你们如愿以偿。。

ratify?glorify?or 刁臭？

how great if i had never forward those sms..but yea i guess ,sooner and later this day will come,cause green-eyed can never bear by ppl.

2008-04-08T15:21:00.003+08:00

很庆幸有你这个做姐姐的陪伴我，当我须要抚助的时候，你会尽你所能地去配合。无可否认，生活的过程中，难免会有争吵以及‘牙齿印’的出现，那全都是一瞬间的冲动和脾气作怪。事情调淡了以后，我们的关系还是一样的亲。。毕竟，如果大家之间没有磨擦，没有抗议，我们又怎么晓得亲情的可贵，对方的重要性，之间的缺点和须要改进的地方。随着时间的变迁，两姐妹互相抚持，远离了温暖的家庭，寻找自己的目标和理想。在这几年里,我们渡过了不少个悲喜交集,你不停得劝导我，带领我。。偿试去改变我无知的想法，把我从边缘拉上岸，免得我失足。

姐姐，很想对你说我很疼你和爱你。谢谢你对家庭和我付出的一切。

玫瑰和刺猥

2008-04-06T11:58:00.002+08:00

一只鸟儿在花农那里偷食了花种，离开的时候还不忘衔几粒飞走。当它飞到一个花园的墙角上，不禁被满园美丽的各种花朵所吸引，停了下来。 “啊！！”鸟儿刚想要赞叹，一粒花种却漏了下来，鸟儿不敢再多说什么，飞走了。
那粒漏下的种子于是顺着墙沿落入了花园内。可那是花园的墙角啊，很少会被注意到，她却要在那里悄悄的生长。她努力的吸收露水和阳光，希望可以早些长成像花园里其他的花朵一样美丽，希望可以引起主人的注意并得到主人的疼爱。不管有多艰难，一定要开出美丽的花朵。
这是她的愿望。随着太阳和月亮无数次的在天空轮换，白天它静静的吸收着阳光，晚上在接受露水滋润的同时轻声吟唱着动人歌曲。终于有一天，她的愿望实现了，她开出了花朵。然而，她并不快乐，因为她在墙角，没有人发现她，没有人和她说话。每晚她只能在花园的墙角忧伤的唱着歌。
“也许我的花朵并不美丽，所以没有人注意到”她在心里这样想着，默默的在心里流泪。花朵其实是很脆弱的。也许一个生命在世界上生存下来是为了要遇见另一个生命吧。
一个夜晚，一只刺猬不小心闯进了花园。为了躲避花园主人的追打，他拼命往最不起眼的地方跑去，这样才躲开了。同时他也发现了一朵娇艳的花在忧伤的唱着歌，泛起他心里的阵阵涟漪。 “你是谁？从来没有见过你。”花儿被他的突如其来吓到了。 “别怕，我不会伤害你的。我叫刺猬，你呢？”他微笑的说着。 “我？？不知道，从来没有人发现过我，也没有人和我说过话，我也不知道自己是谁。”她难过的底下了头。 “我以前见过和你同样的花叫玫瑰，可是你是我见过最美丽的一朵，我以后叫你玫瑰好吗？” “玫瑰？好呀，谢谢你，刺猬。”她有生以来第一次笑了。

那微微一笑惊呆了刺猬，从那刻开始，刺猬爱上了玫瑰。那晚，玫瑰唱着动人的歌给刺猬听。刺猬向玫瑰讲诉了很多外面世界有趣的事情，笑的玫瑰花枝乱颤。刺猬喜欢看着玫瑰笑，而玫瑰从来没有那么开心过。天亮了，虽然刺猬很不舍，但不得不离开。 “你要走了么？”玫瑰也有些不舍的问。 “是的，不过放心，我晚上再来看你好么？” “好的，认识你真好。”玫瑰绽放着她美丽的笑容。刺猬又呆了，忍不住想凑上前亲吻玫瑰的脸颊，可是—— “哎呀，好痛！”还没有等他靠近，他身上的刺已经先刺到了玫瑰，他突然想起来他是刺猬。 “对不起！对不起！我以后不会再靠近你了，原谅我好么？” “没关系。”玫瑰一点也不知道，其实自己也刺到了刺猬，只是刺猬疼在了心里没有说出来。他们是同类，却不是一对。

以后，每晚刺猬都在月亮升起的时候来看玫瑰。他们快乐的在一起说笑。而刺猬心里却有个疙瘩，他不能靠近玫瑰，只能看着她。一天晚上，刺猬来的时候发现玫瑰的脸上浮着淡淡的忧伤。 “怎么了？”刺猬关心的问着，他深爱着玫瑰，不希望看见她难过。 “我一直努力的生长就是为了让花园的主人注意，可是我在墙角……”玫瑰难过的哭了，低下了头。刺猬很想上前将玫瑰抱在怀里安慰她，可是…… “不要哭，哭了就不美丽了。我帮你吧！”刺猬想到了办法，“你等着我。” 刺猬跑了出去，故意在花园主人面前乱蹿，冒着被追打的危险，把人引到了玫瑰那里。 “咦？我的花园里没有种玫瑰，这里怎么长着这么漂亮的一朵呢？我怎么从来都不知道？”花园主人很惊喜的看着玫瑰。玫瑰终于等到了今天，她很高兴，也很感激刺猬。刺猬躲在一旁也暗暗为玫瑰高兴。但是，花园主人又开口了：“明天我要把这枝玫瑰采下来送给我最爱的人，她收到一定会很开心的。”之后，人快乐的走了，留下了悲伤的玫瑰和刺猬。 “对不起，没想到这样反而害了你。”刺猬走出来，其实他心中也很难过。 “不怪你，这也许就是我的命运吧，只是我快要死了，以后再也不能见到你了……” 玫瑰哭的很伤心。 “玫瑰不要哭，你笑起来的样子最美丽”刺猬想上去抱着玫瑰。 “哎呀……”玫瑰又被刺到了。 “对不起……”此时，他们两面对着永别，刺猬的心是何等悲哀，如果可以用自己的性命去交换玫瑰的性命，他一定愿意。可是人类哪有用刺猬来送人，象征爱情的？ “刺猬，你抱抱我好么？”玫瑰含着泪水。 “可是，我会刺痛你的” “没关系，我不怕痛，明天……” 于是刺猬上前抱住了玫瑰，他感觉到玫瑰在颤抖，他知道她此刻很疼痛，因为自己也同样感受着她的疼痛，于是放开了玫瑰。他们彼此相爱，却互相伤害。为了不伤害到玫瑰，刺猬决定做一件事。

刺猬忍着巨痛，开始一根一根的拔掉自己身上的刺。每拔掉一根，就会有红色的液体留出。 “刺猬，不要这样！你会死掉的！”玫瑰惊叫着，边流着泪水，却无能为力。 “没关系，不痛的！”刺猬在这个时候依然对玫瑰微笑着。刺猬拔掉了最后一根刺，千疮百孔，摇摇晃晃的走到玫瑰面前。 “玫瑰，我终于可以不让你疼痛的抱着你了，我很开心。”刺猬真的很开心。刺猬抱着玫瑰，任由她身上的刺再刺向他的伤口。玫瑰的眼泪滴落在刺猬的身上，从伤口渗透皮肤，溶入血液，流进心脏。 “玫瑰，我爱你！”刺猬以微弱的声音向玫瑰表白“可是我却不能保护你，让你永远快乐” “刺猬，我也爱你！”玫瑰流尽了所有的泪水。刺猬听了，满足的滑倒在地。

第二天清晨，花园主人再次来到玫瑰那里，发现一只没有刺的刺猬躺在玫瑰旁，已经没有体温和呼吸。而那朵玫瑰已经枯萎了，花瓣散落了一地，几片盖在刺猬的身上。

2008-04-06T11:42:00.001+08:00

那些消失了的岁月，仿佛隔着一块积着灰尘的玻璃，看得到，抓不着。

消失了岁月中你最不该失去的东西，但却在残酷的时间面前渐渐变得模糊。

2008-04-05T06:14:00.003+08:00

"im thankful for your love" ..

You are very lucky, to have a girl friend that love u so much, melted ur heart.

or should i say the other way round?

she is very lucky,to have a girl friend like u that love her very much,melted her heart.
Care of her so much..

hmmh,maybe the 2nd one sounds better.. ..ooh,ur jeolousing huh?

no,i dont jeolous. i envy.

2008-04-03T19:16:00.002+08:00

The night at ENIGMA was crazy.It has been so long since MY LAST drunk ,and that was about few months ago. ....i had taken 3 shots of tequila + 1 vodka *) and sips of heineken which was a mild one..cant imagine i can stil tahan ,but i did have the feeling walking in the clouds,heaviness of my head,talked craps and nonsense which i told myself repeatedly reminded myself subconsciously do not behave like a mad cow..at the end,i was worst than a mad cow,i laughed,talked and joked like nobody's business,as though im no longer myself. Yea,in fact ,i was not myself that night..\\
Back home2.30 am, drowsiness started,feeling of emptiness is all over, feel nothingness,headache ,palpitation and nausea came to visit me..die,was wondering i still have appointment with ryan at 9 AM..shit.. and i was drunk like hell now.. then i was totally unconscious ,lying dead on my bed without remove my watch,my smoked-smell shirt(u know after visited those pub,the smell),my contaminated jeans,my foul pair of socks,ring,bracelet,gone to dreamland with my pity braces that has not been brushed and rinse with listerine (the taste of tequila in it) ..awww.money and documents were still in the pocket..i cant imagine..
====

i hate the knock-on effect of post alchohol consumption.

i hate the aftermath feeling whereby my mind has been beaten up by those emptiness and lonely feeling.

i hate myself for raised up a white flag to those fucking boozy drinks .

i keep on reminding myself --> no next time,it will be the final one..

(but who can predict huh?)

ps* i still love tequila.

2008-04-02T17:12:00.003+08:00

Its raining heavily out there,terrible thunderstorm.and yet im still on-line,blogging,chatting,doing my laundry ,as well as sms-ing with ypf..

it goes like this..

ypf: very bad thunderstorm.my comp died twice so scary! u still on line ar?

me: yea,my apartment gona runtuh aftermath strike by huge thunderstorm! im worrying somehow..!

ypf:im very worried too,so dark here,no electricity,no fan,no tv,no online..sigh..

me:why no electricity?? suis jatuh??

ypf:while typing to u,suddenly e thunder striked.i got shocked and throw my mobile away scare i will die. ok lah dont talk lah or else we will both hangus
( i was laughing like hell alone when i read her reply,she is so cute..but yea,shes very true.and she saved my life indeed ) =)

me:really dat scary meh?? now rain stopping mah..

ypf:yes,but its so dark that i cannot find e main switch..

me: (terus pengsan)..

*its not for laughing purpose( ooh,i saw 3 stripes coming down from ur head uunn///.and crows all over on top ) im too bored .

doink*doinkk* :)

2008-04-01T23:27:00.002+08:00

i am missing her, her and her..

k.v,s.t,and j.l..esp k.v. we did not talk for long time.and i hope the misunderstand issue in between us will resolve soon.i miss u ,my best buddy ever.Hope ur doing good,stay healthy and happy all the time.

2008-03-31T15:52:00.002+08:00

完成了慢长的一天，开着电脑，凝视着窗外，蓝天白云。狂吃着crispy m&m ，爽极了 =)

i love crispy m&m .

mood: neutral.

2008-03-31T01:03:00.007+08:00

不愿让你看透我的卑微。在你面前。我没能力去表达我自己。。我们的冰山，要容解，是不简单。它只能暗地的活在黑暗里。永远不能见光。你也许不会明白，毕竟，我凭什么条件和身分要你去明白我，或者去感动你。
一切都还是很生疏。。很飘忽。。

身为你的一位不起眼以及渺小的普通朋友，我很想去疼你，关怀你。就是那么简单。

2008-03-31T00:50:00.002+08:00

如果对你有好感和想念你是错的。那么请你对我坦白对我说，让我死心。无须逗转和回避，我会彻底明白。对你的真心，你没必要去了解和应酬，我这个多余的外人，也不须要你来分析关于我到底在人生寻找着什么。

我很清楚我要什么和喜欢什么，不轮到你去判决。

2008-03-28T20:34:00.003+08:00

"Never explain yourself to anyone.Because the person who likes you doesnt need it,and the person who dislike you wont believe it."

this is so rightt.

2008-03-26T23:32:00.005+08:00

have u ever thought that there is someone out there constantly reads ur blog? she reads ur blog almost everyday..and of course when things not goin smooth in her,u are the 1st one that will strike in her mind ,hoping that she can turns to u,share with u anytime.but of course ,she knows it will not happen at all.
..do u know and realise that ur blog ,em the way u share ur life converting into words are so impressive?. ur feelings and experiences are fascinating,no doubt ur writing skill and description have made each and every piece of ur writing more interesting and splendid ..and she'd learnt a lot from u,and yet,shes still learning..

yes,everytime she feels down or hopeless,she will thinks of u, think of the way u see things ,with a positive mind,a high level of self-esteem towards the direction of life..which will inspire her and makes her feel better indirectly. Undeniably,u have brought an impact into her life.

ur vocab is excellent. she likes it very much.

thats all for now.

2008-03-26T11:27:00.003+08:00

a random copy and paste from a friend's post : its her feeling,and i find it quite meaningful..

Far from each other we are now.with no cheap alternatives to remain contact everyday,to see you online would be a joy.the only time when i don't chat and think about money.
Though you're always busy, as usual.
or at times, i'm the one whose packed with homeworks.how nice is it if i can sometimes randomly receive words of affection from you.
rather than being demanded to do so by you.sometimes, i really think a small simple gesture, is what i need.
and not lavish gifts, that you always thought of.
sometimes, when i'm in a heavy mood.how i wish i got words which shows you care and simple questions, of how i was feeling.rather than your cold solutions, that logically everybody knows..
sometimes, i wish you would suupport me.rather than condemn on what im doing..
sometimes, it will be nice enough if you think of how sensitive females are.
we argue, you told me not to compare.i'm not, but just trying to tell you this is how relationship works.

2008-03-25T20:56:00.002+08:00

你不是笨傻的，没有可能你不知道。或者，你只是为了尽朋友的责任，也许，你不想看到我难过而做你范围里唯一可以做的东西吧。
觉得自己真的很奇怪，真的去了你office.。本来下定决心不会去，怎知你在msn跳出了个:" hmmh,u still at home?"..然后我对你说我在你附近。。。。。。。。。。。
噢，我心软了，开始动摇了。。好了，去吧去吧。反正那么近。心里很紧张，很怕没话说，不知为什么对着你真的没话说。(‘。)
相约不到10分钟。你抽一支，说多两句，就要赶回去工作了。我就想坐着，静静回味刚才坐在一起的空间感。谢谢你给我机会，见你十分钟。

2008-03-24T15:31:00.002+08:00

写这些东西都是多余的，很多余，什么都不会改变。因为我已习惯了单方面一厢情愿。简称单恋。

但是，我觉得欣慰的是。我们之间有转变。你说得对，有时太突然的变化不一定是好的，可能慢慢的改变和变动，结果可能会更加激动人心以及令人难忘。

那少许的变化可以在我的4th older post 和最近频密的post相比。
我所谓的她，依然是唯一的她。

2008-03-23T19:50:00.003+08:00

U asked me to tell you whats about it..ok,what if i tell you everything, will it be any good?
NO,i dont see whats the point of telling u..but u know what,i guess u have already got some clues in ur mind..u just wanted to know it exactly from my mouth. am i correct?

2008-03-23T00:18:00.003+08:00

当你想念一个没有可能会喜欢上你的人的时候，心中真的很难过。
当你和她在网上谈天的时候，她问你那个你想念和喜欢的陌生人是谁，那一种感觉更辛酸和糟糕，就像一把刀直插入我脆弱的心，然后血流如注。我不想止血，让它继续流吧。反正，它分毫不直。况且，你永远都不会知道那个你所谓‘幸运’被我喜欢的陌生人就是你自己本人。

你不须要知道，因为你不可能会明白，更不可能会了解。毕竟,坦承相对也不会有好结果。

再加上，我已习惯把内心的感情埋在心里的最底部，都被虚假的世界给包围著了。

。突破。。算吗？

2008-03-20T13:52:00.004+08:00

认识了你将近9个月，14/3/08-我们才相约大家出来见面，共同修读友谊。对我来说，那一晚是以个很大的突破。看见你，我觉得自己突然变得很冷淡，少许不自然，同时，心里却沾沾自喜，非常兴奋。那一晚，你是主角，说话方面，很自然，收放自如。而我，确沉默的，静静的，慢慢的思考你说的每一句话。大部份的交谈，都给了佩荧帮我分担，她也很了解我会害羞。坐了一小时多，有部份的时间大家都没有说话，你静静地抽烟，或是谈电话。你很累，我们同意说再见了。陪你到停车场，我主动和你握手说好，毕竟第一次见面，然后我拥抱了你，你也一样。那时，我百感交集，心中真的很不舍得你。我自己也不知为什么。。

19/3/08做夜班，0020 拨了通电话给你，这是我第一次打给你。没有什么目的，只想和你讲话。等了好久，你没接电话，心想你可能还没有心里准备或在忙着，正要放弃盖电话同时，你接了。一个从睡梦醒来的声音，我很不好意思，说对不起，。我对你说没什么，只想打给你。你问我是不是有什么要对我说，我说没有，我问你想听我对你说什么，你说你不知道。。然后我让你睡。

坦白说，如果可以，我想对你说，：我很想念你-

2008-03-18T12:24:00.002+08:00

She is very clear that she did not have any feeling towards her,not even likeness ,or a thought about her.But she still miss her and she isnt brave enough to let other ppl know,or to let her know.She knows that she is too minor in front of her,not worth a glance,and yet she is still crazy for her,even she doesnt know her well.
The consequence of it is very harmful ,for loving a person that she should not love..
The piece ice should have remained unbreak ,if we have had really broke it.
明知道她爱的人不爱她，甚至不曾喜欢她，那她为什么还要强求？还要默默的等？

吃

2008-03-15T20:23:00.003+08:00

抽烟，致癌。过胖，致癌。一个星期内不小心随便吃两三餐红肉，致癌。吃菜，有农药，致癌。癌癌癌，就算远离饮食红尘一如出家，终身不到鱼米之乡变身的癌症村，恐怕也难逃不断发表的医学报告的恐赫，吃得诚惶诚恐。
我的某某亲人家教甚严，吃鸡要剁皮，鸡翅膀不吃，因大针后的毒素尽在其中云云。可是你要我吃鸡不连皮，又腿部是红肉，不能多吃，那索性白煮鸡胸，斗口淡好了。这世界很公平，愈好吃的东西我们愈不可碰，不是胆固醇高就是致癌。
怕到这个地步的话，吃一片肉也要经烫水去油的话，给你活多二十年有如何？不过是多二十年的清教徒生活，而怕死到这样，即没有像教徒一样解决生死的大问题，人死如灯灭，那么，生有何欢，死有何憾，不过是只心里怀着一个天枰给自己的胃注如维生素的长寿动物。
倪匡的哲学最爽。头痛，大吃止痛药，伤了将来的肝？先止了当下的痛才划算。过分天下之忧而忧，不抽烟也一样会致癌。

林夕

2008-03-15T15:41:00.002+08:00

14/3/08 犹如梦一场，这一天的来临，我很期待以及兴奋。短短的两个小时，转眼间就过了。我多希望我可以抓紧它，享受它。
可惜，它已成过去式。直到现在，还是觉得很不真实，很梦幻。虽然你不属于我，和你静静坐着，让沉默解答一切。

这一天，对我来说真的很特别。

2008-03-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

永远？我们谁又资格说永远？

anger without enthusiasm

2008-03-08T23:30:00.004+08:00

confession

2008-03-08T00:22:00.002+08:00

As a christian,i've made all those mistakes and sins that i should not to.Each and everything that is against christianity,i have done.

2008-03-06T21:17:00.004+08:00

点着半支烟，浪迹天涯。

有些人，明知道错的还要去做。人类，往往离不开犯贱和矛盾。

cold play -fix you-

2008-03-05T17:54:00.002+08:00

a very nice song, with a lyric that match my feeling.now

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

2008-03-02T23:04:00.001+08:00

Be mindful that 'we only come to this world once,so whatever little we can do,let us do it now as we may not pass this place again'.

have you watched them sleep?

2008-03-02T22:24:00.003+08:00

and also my late grandpa,lovely grandma,all aunties as well, i truly love u all.

"Have you ever watched your parents while they asleep?Your father's body,once big and strong but now,the big is withered and the strong is weaker.Wisps of grey peek out fron his hair,wrinkles now "scar" his forehead and face.
"This man works hard everyday and would sacrifice anything to makesure his family is provided for and his children get the best education possible.
"Or how about your mother,whose soft hands once cuddled and held you close when you were a baby?Now,those hands are dry and rough,bearing evidence of the challenges she faced just for us.This woman take cares of our daily needs,constantly nagging and scolding us because of her love for us.But sadly,we often miscontrue her love as control and unfairness."
Just looking at my mother walk tells me that her legs are not as strong as they were before.Or hearing her ask me for help with that flowerpot in the garden,the one she used to be able to push and drag around the garden without my help.
Or watching my dad lift a 10 kg bag of rice.I can easily carry that bag now.I am young.But to him,its a struggle.
What do all these observations tell me?Yes,my parents have aged.They are ageing,just as i am ageing.But as i age towards my best years and become stronger,they in turn are becoming weaker.They were once the caregivers and I the receiver.In time,i know our roles will reverse.Like it or not,want it to or not,this is life.
I suppose I have always subconsciously thought that my parents would always be with me,never growing old..but,bear in mind.we have to understand that they are not immortal.That they,too,will one day leave the world and me.Until then,I will make good use of our time together.
Appreciate what u have now.It will not last.

2008-03-01T21:11:00.003+08:00

so sorry if i often keep things to myself.
i dont really see any point of telling people everything about me.
not that i want to be mysterious or unpredictable to catch your attention.
some words are meant to remain untold.
i will tell more if i think u are worth it..or else,i am introvert.

2008-02-22T17:29:00.000+08:00

I know that i have abandoned my blog for quite sometime,it has become a random one,instead of a constant one..I just do not know why i could not sit and write a piece,though i have so much to share.It has nothing to do with the time factor.Perhaps,frustrations.I maybe like you,searching for the directions in the future,for myself and family.

Where can the changes start from?

2008-02-17T23:36:00.012+08:00

Today after my tiring morning shift,went for a tea time and dinner with granny and aunty as they are still in kl for a couple of days.Justin and penny fetched me,we straight headed to a tea art centre named purple cane behind times square,this shop has quite numbers of tea art stuff,and its not cheap.We had enjoyed ourself in drinking and trying those chinese tea,and it was introduced by a tea art sifu called Yong,he taught us the various types of chinese tea,method of preparing it..etc..grandma is really happy cause its her 1st time visiting this shop..we had a great fun talking and laughing,esp aunty,she will became 'excited' whenever she talked about tea.
rightafter that,we went for dinner at purple cane tea restaurant,my 2nd visit there=) the food is real good and delicious esp the beijing duck(pict below),we had 2 plates of it equals to a duck..ho ho ho =)..we had chinese tea again=) =) i love this evening.

2008-02-17T00:13:00.001+08:00

oo30 hrs,a feeling of eating indomie=) cooked it,,hmmh..its not late yet..jess is getting herself to go out(saturday nite fever),sandy is still enjoying her milk and movie =)..tasty,hmmh..
morning shift tmr..another 6 hours to go,zombie is goin to be seen,again.

2008-02-15T23:32:00.007+08:00

A feeling of discourage when she was advising me about the mistake that i've done.I am no longer have the chance to explain to her,what i could do was just listen,and listen, no rooms for my humble explaination.OKAY,I leave it to her,i've learned to become 'dont care',and 'dont mind'.She is a dominant lady, bias cases are happening frequently and getting severe ..the working system is getting poorer,staffs are not happy.boss is not happy,everybody is not happy,the working environment is messy,stressful.The outcome is unsatisfy due to poor management,lack of communication,mutual responsible never appear,teamwork is gone.."THIS IS UR PROBLEM,WHO CARES".selfishness is everywhere.

Thats why..everybody is -->

from now onwards, i will practice this -->

and,

*THE END*, and i believe there will be lots more to come.

2008-02-15T00:49:00.006+08:00

45 mins post valentines.Its 00:45 hrs now,i am so awake.After-effect of a cup of iced vanilla coffee 4 1/2 hrs ago( 12 hrs before i had a cup of nescafe).The caffeine in the body is still struggling,having a fight with my biological CLOCK,pulling me out from the bed,those enourmous eye bags,and dark circle will become greater after 8 hours,lets see. A zombie will appear..i admit that i have not been updating my blog for quite sometimes,till i have forgotten my password in blogspot,i hentam 3 times =) sigh,so forgetful..

so,except jessica,sandy and nai (hsemates) whom are now already in dreamland with saliva drooling..few dearies below are accompanying me ..

im seriously lazy to go to work later in the afternoon.save me.

2008-02-14T23:40:00.003+08:00

TIME flies,6 days in IPOH celebrating cny was really fun.Family reunion is great all the time.Everybody was back except cheryl,she was in the uk for study.,what a pity,but she is coming back soon.I went back home with a piercing at the eye brow (2nd one following the 1st one which has fell off and infected).Surprisingly,granny and mummy are not as shock as what i imagined,they are stil manage and willing to accept me as their granddaugh and daught.PAM is reasonably surprised,asking me why and am i having some internal stress that lead me to the path whereby emotional abuse and psychological distress had happened,so called self-inflicted injuries in some cases of piercing till they are so addicted to the pain as if they has got some attitude problems.Well,i told her im not ,i juz like the style of it and i can bear the pain.,its true,i do like the style with a pierced stuff at my eyebrow,and that doesnt mean im having those mental disorders..im okay.

my niece,jace is so cute and smart.i miss her a lot.

The longer u stayed at home for a holiday,u will find more difficult to leave them.so guys,dont ever back for a long period,u will feel heartsick and homesick even u haven't step out from ur hse at the end of vacation.Yan and kit are getting bigger in terms of size and 'maturity'.Penny and meng as usual,phyllis still the same except for a newly short hair.3guma getting younger and younger even in her late 50-s,wow..justin getting more handsome.=)

ps: i love my family,i miss papa.

--

valentines day,but no valentine.Went for a dinner with penny and ai lin at ss2.,as usual,few chat.

2008-02-14T23:22:00.007+08:00

my favourite pc game-VOODOO BOSS
(a simple and easy game that allows u to release ur tensions,unhappiness,unsatisfy stuff towards ur boss,u can poison them=they will scream like hell,u can poke them with needle=they will jump for pain,and u can burn them with matches =they will shout like nobody's business =) great huh,u will feel very enjoying)
-hey xxx,TELL U WHAT ,TO BE GOOD TO U,I WILL JZ LET U DRINK THE MINIMUM OF SALICYLATE ACID +SULPHUR .

I hope u will realise what is ur so called -justice,care and responsible.one day

do u agree?

2008-01-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

creature.nature

2008-01-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i really thought of giving up.I want to let go everything. Im so tired to face the world,im exhausted of the response from the people around,the human nature..can i just be a person who doesnt care for anything?can i just forget those responsibility,the burdon and everything that is related to me?can i just refuse to take up any challenges? u can just laugh at me,yeah,im a coward.
Im lack of self-esteem,nor confidence..decreasing.
Fortune ever my friend?

Guile,trickery,deceit,greed,envy,slander..the words denoting lying..jeolousy and sense of possession, all kind of it, everywhere around.There is no more forgiveness..kind and loving no longer appear..this is what we called REAL ..in a real world..

If i have a chance, i will choose to escape,and say goodbye to everything ..not leaving any dust of me..im just waiting for this PERFECT CHANCE.

2008-01-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

Had just quarrel with sister,im totally out of control.She doesnt really understand me.Blaming and excuses are all she have after she made mistake,repeatedly.I WAS DISSAPOINTED.,i've bang the door of her car,her new car.She fucked up,and we had sms-war.I told her 'we are over'.

well,Life isnt smooth recently.,two days continuously i've made mistake during work,bad things will come after u ,without signs..i would not explain much,all i could say is,i've lose confidence to life and everything..
Sorry to everyone,that i've dissapointed ..my boss,my best fren and my family.

IF i could overdose,i will...

2008-01-16T11:36:00.000+08:00

Severe homesick now.I miss my granny and mummy,aunties and sisterss!! i love u all a lot a lot!..ms j,i miss u too.have u sleep well?

2008-01-15T22:05:00.000+08:00

do u still remember the content of it？

I feel.

2008-01-15T20:25:00.000+08:00

Its gonna be a simple entry with very few sentence.Its just how i feel at the current moment.

I feel ur changing,or maybe u have.

I feel myself having hedgehog's dilemma,which i hate it so much.

Im feeling insecure.,EVENTHOUGH i've lose you 3 years back..and this will be the 4th year which we had never talk at all..

I try to play a better part, for all these years,i've changed..from naive to mature (u still remember u scolded me naive on the phone just because we quarreled about the little fuckin idiot laptop thing,u hang up not even bye).,i've learned about mutual understanding and trust after everything gone..in our r/ship those days,we seriously lacked of this.Ended up,we felt fatique..

Im still missing u now each and everyday,ceaseless.

I've learned how to keep it to myself without letting u know im actually missing u,without letting u knw i've been weak-minded since i lose u..all i keep it to myself,not bothering u anymore..as what i heard ppl saying good future, wonderful marriage are ahead of u,i remained silent,pretending i never know you ,as how u pretended u never know me when we met..its okay for all that..

I've always try to play a better part when i was with u,but when i do,i get all these feelings..isnt it better to stick back to what i used to be,one who doesnt care about anything.

I feel like a wraith when i stop moving on and lay all my hopes on u ,i feel myself so shitty for missing you and worrying bout u so much for nothing i will get,not even a glimpse from u,its such a pity.

I chose it..i choose to think of u even theres somebody waiting for me,i choose recall back the memory when im with u eventhough its heartbroken..

And for all these cause,i will work hard and stay strong,for i've chosen to love u at the 1st place.

2008-01-09T16:18:00.000+08:00

I'm missing u so much now,very much.Ur shadow is always with me,day and night,24/7.
I MISS U ..have u eaten? enough of rest? workin hard till muscle aching? feel lonely?..oh no babe,i will alwiz be with u.Look at the sky,and im looking up frm the other part of the world. My heart beat so fast when i see u,a strong feeling rush up to my heart and mind,i lost myself,im no longer myself anymore. I miss u.

2008-01-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

我看见你，隔了三年。在一个心情开朗，充满欢笑声的下午和朋友逛街的时候，无意中，眼角里出现很熟悉的影子，是你。。三年了，看见你，我很痛心，哽咽..我内心的疤痕浮现了出来。。我不能坦然地面对你，我唯有假装,继续和朋友聊天。。，很痛苦。。如果没有错，你也发觉我的存在，只是大家选择各走各路，不再互望大家，选择逃避。

你胖了，真的胖了，头发还是一样。。我继续哽咽，心很痛。但感到安慰的是，我已变了，physically outlook 完全不一样，内涵增加了，你会惊讶。

如果你现在正在想我，我可以告诉你,你没有了我，是你的过失。

写了这遍文章，我开始放轻松,才发觉身边有很多比你更好的。我痛心，我悲伤，我不停流泪，不代表我放不开；我往前看，我放下包袱，我没有刻意想你，也不代表我已忘记你，也不代表以前没有和你开心过。总之，事情不是三言两语就能解决。

距离很可怕。

我的老毛病又发作了。。我还是爱你，大家相约在梦中。

2007-12-18T16:16:00.000+08:00

我只想做回我自己。

2007-11-25T12:31:00.000+08:00

Fly me to the moon and dont ever bring me back to the earth.

2007-11-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

路人甲对我说她巧合地碰见你，你问路人甲我的近况，生活还好吗，路人甲对你说我很好，然后，你临走前还叮嘱路人甲不能告诉我你曾经来过，一定要保守秘密。隔了一年的今天，路人甲不小心疏口而出，让我无意中发现。。
听了之后，我没有感觉。。
心想。，以后，还会有路人乙路人丙的出现吗？
原来,在我眼中，全世界都是路人，只有，我和你，的存在。

2007-11-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

This afternoon ,i went to a saloon located in the city center that was introduced by a friend of mine.Wanted to do some haircut.The environment is quite comfortable there. A senior stylist attended to me,her name is Nicole.,my 1st impression when i saw her is .."wow",so cool., with her bob hair,smoky eyes .FIERCE. but she is attractive.. blah blah...she gazed at me ,looking into my eyes for 10secs..long,we both juz stared at each other (can u imagine the situation?)...okays..then she started to trim my hair after all those shampoieng..
She approached me,asked me questions,i answered.She asked ,i answered shortly..then we started to chat.,she told me a lot about herself,and of course she asked a lot about myself..she is actually much more simpler than what u see,nice and pleasant once u talked to her.,shes kinda pure.,definitely cant judge her just by the outlook.We shared a lot during the period,including those personal things.,she expressed herself more than i do, i guess im a right person for her to tell and expressed..and she asked me a lot bout my life that i was hesitated to tell..and she cares for me a lot as well. .i can feel that she likes me .Indirectly , i can feel her..
Her technique is good, skillful...After everything finished , settled my payment.,and sat in the lounge while waiting for my friend.She came to me,have her seat next to me,and we cont'd our conversation..she was 24yrs old..
After 1/2 an hour we chatted there,my friend came and break off our dialogue,at that time she almost wanted my number. I did not reply.,and i said thanx to her,told her i did enjoy our chat and appreciate it.She smiled pleasantly,gazed at me again ,asking me to come back to her whenever i have any prob with my hairstyle and etc,and she is looking forward to see me agian.I SAID GOODBYE AND LEFT.
Honestly i cant resist,undeniable,she is great and nice.We do clicked well. But i juz cant,because many reasons.Anyway,I will still go back to her as a client,because of her experiences and skill. or maybe we can proceed to be friends. THE END

2007-11-04T20:36:00.000+08:00

It has been 2 days i was trying to search for my badge that is significantly related to my profession. This badge is really important to me,if i lost it, its a must to report to police..i searched and searched..not found..sigh..okay,forget about it..surrender to god..

A minute ago,without thinking of it,i saw it on my small little rack which is located next to my bed,and yet i did not realised the appearence of it.haha..silly me..its all the while right next to me !~ =)

2007-11-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

1/11/2007 :

1) i found out that my pain threshold is really high and good enough.i never screamed when a needle size 18 gauge poke through my eyebrow. i can accept it without "ouuchh" =)

2) i realised my appearence and my sayings are so important to ppl that aren't so close with me.Its just because i'd cheered up my orthodentist and those dental nurses ard after i said something stupid and made them laugh like nobodys' business..hahaz ,okays.fine

3) i miss you so much when i stepped into the same lrt station that we went together after 3 yrs since that incident happened .Ur mobile was snatched by the stupid neighbourhood country resident in that station,kns ..bloody hell..we were together. Right after we went in to the train,u realised ur hp is lost and that moron was running out frm the train,i hold ur hands and dragged u out frm the train right before the train door had been close..it happend in betweeen 10 secs..i'd pulled the bloody nut and scolded him,asking for the mobile back ..u cried and cried next to me,holding my hand tight..i was so fucked up.,almost beat him up..he did not do anything and..,knn him..i guessed he had already passed the hp to his 'colleague' while in the train ..
ur still crying ,without failed,still holding me tight.afterthat,We reported this incident to the station officer,and he did beaten up the guy...blah blah
u're crying sob sob-bly and told me ur afraid ,remember? u've lost all the contacts...that nite ur really depressed,but u pretended ur fine enough and forced urself to smile in front of me,but i know ur really down..

4) hmmmh,heard that u're goin to marry to that person. congrats. will u think of me anyMORE?im wondering.

5) went to collect my cert at shah alam..finally,i did it after waited and being lazy for 2 yrs plus.

6) received a text msg frm a person that not that close,hw she got my num huh?she asked :"hws life and everythng?" .I replied:" im very good"...(but actually i am not)
im kinda lazy with those anonymous thing already..sigh

7) i miss my family a lot a lot.papa,mummy,mama,2 aunty,3 aunty,yan,kit,ima.....

2007-10-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

某些时候，某些歌，会给你某些感觉，然后想起某些人.

那一晚，你在车里哼着这首歌。每一段歌词，音调，你也一清二楚。因为你知道我喜欢这首歌，所以你也喜欢。还记得你当时唱歌的表情，很自然，很迷人，很漂亮。我们一路上，重播又重播这一首歌。。直到我们到家。。直到我们。。这一刻，我好想念你。。

Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's there the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

(chorus)
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then I'm sure that it makes sense

(Chorus)
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there stillI''ll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

(Chorus)
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

(Chorus)
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

2007-10-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

今天，有两件事情想说：

阅读报纸的时候，获悉他死了。一位曾今和我交谈的人。他很高大，样子不错，彬彬有礼，很斯文。因为公作的因素，所以和他有两句，但不算熟。他今年32岁，在一场意外中，脑溢血，丧生了。而他的哥哥刚从外国成大业回来，也赶不及回来看他最后一面。

心里有少许伤感。他这样就走了，他大有前途，无限光明。。
生命里，不断有人离开。。

------------------------

有一位朋友兼同事，也是医务人员。她因为频频喊脚痛，站也不，坐也不，吃止痛药也不好。之后，看了医生，做了磁力共振(mri scan),得知腰椎(4th lumbar)压迫在神经线上，脚痛的来源就是在这里。须要手术解决。
手术过后的第三天，就是今天，出现问题了。她臀部麻痹，排尿不畅。再scheduled做scan,发现有瘀血凝固在伤口与spinal chord表面之间，导致以上问题。医生看了，解释对她说一定要proceed第二次手术，取出淤血，才能解决。。
她哭了，她的母亲也哭了。我也很难过。第一，我在现场，我乃是第一个人得知这消息，第二，我是她的朋友，那可不感到痛心。再加上这个问题不简单。风险很大。
发生了这种事情，谁都不想。不能抱怨医生，每一个手术，都有一定的risk。
明天她会再进手术室，和命运再赌一盘。愿她一切还好。

-----------------------

生命，看似很复杂，其实它很脆弱，也可以很简单，甚至。。悄悄地走。

2007-10-28T21:44:00.000+08:00

很痒，真的很痒。我的意思是皮肤很痒。本来皮肤就是有毛病，对天气或周遭的环境会产生敏感，很辛苦。敏感的部份只在双手和脚，老天爷特别喜欢把过敏的反应产生在须要见人的地方>.<很痛苦，痒，痒，痒。维有吃止痒药(anti histamine),不想再看皮肤医生了，已看了15年，什么药也吃过，试过。尤其是类固醇(steroids)，很强的化合物，会杀死很多好和坏的细胞，很多side effect,吃了好久，很明显地看见负作用慢慢浮现，其中一个就是 growth impairment。所以我不长得高，很矮。朋友问起，我也很少解释，笑笑带过。

sigh,超痒，迟早我也担心记忆力会衰退，因为antihistamine的side effect 就是memory impaire，现在已有少少了=.= (',)

怎么办呢？中药西药都试过了。

ECZEMA,WHEN WILL U LEAVE ME ALONE? PLEASE.YOUR CONSIDERATION IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.THANK YOU.

2007-10-27T00:51:00.000+08:00

Just read her blog, she has become more mature,the way she see things and her thinking are getting wide ,in terms of point of view.Each and every post in her blog,oldest to the latest,i have revised. Her life is really interesting and fun.还有，原来她是那么的容易哭的。
For now,she is quite fucked up because of work stress, and those pain she is having.

I understand. CHEER UP .

2007-10-26T19:49:00.000+08:00

突了从睡梦中醒了过来,发了一个很辛酸的梦。我抱着枕头，泪流了。我梦见你离开了我们，永远的离开，不再回来。我当时痛哭，唯有痛哭。我百般不舍的去抱着你，去感受你，给你温暖。脑海一一浮现出你慈祥的笑容，关怀的问候语，不顾一切的付出，全部点点滴滴。。。我无可想像如果有一天我失去了你，我会有多可悲。
这一天始终会来临，也必须面对。我希望你身体健康,每一天都有平静的心。

现在，很想亲口告诉你我很爱你，很想念你。谢谢你付出的一切，我敬爱的婆婆。

2007-10-26T16:21:00.001+08:00

I've let go an opportunity because of certain reason.Honestly its a good chance,really good.But im not fit to go now,so many things i need to consider about,not easy to leave like this.I believe its not the end yet,there is always another door for me.I need to upgrade myself,learn more ,gain more experiences as much as i can,be welly prepared ,then only i will proceed with that.

And i hope i will not regress.

some of the nice lomograph that i crazy for

2007-10-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

2007-10-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

Just back from dinner with penny, we had a long chat as usual while eating. She told me shes thinking of buying a brand new digicam,instead of using the old one with small capacity and less mp.I asked why,calmly she replied to me that life is short,she wanted to capture those happy moments and great things more from now onwards.,her reply is such a big shock to me.
As what i understand about her in my 22 years with her,she is a great sister, a motivator,a leader who has a strong piece of mind and determination, a person who never gives up and let go easily.She used to support me whenever i was fell back on.She cheers me up..and yet, she is telling me all these ..its such a big knock.
I feel surprise as what i've mentioned above and a little content of grateful.Grateful is because the point of view in her towards life has changed, she will treasure each and every moment with her loveones,friends and family, will be much more greater,and increase day by day...Treasure life!

=)

2007-10-21T14:47:00.000+08:00

My sister yan was just recovered from her flu syndrom,and yet shes holding a pack a so called ' not junk food ' with her...mama is nagging her already,mummy is mumbling around already. Then she told us this is the best tit-bit in town,she claims no msg,no colouring,no preservatives,only pure potato slices that have been 'smoked 'and so called 'pure barbequed'.....sien,you always got multiple- excuses..yea,eat eat eat..continue eat till one day ,and you will know.
Ur still my lovely cute sister =)

2007-10-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have a friend.
She cares for me a lot,
concern about me,
bring me up when im down,
encourage me much more than any other people surrounding me,
cheers me up most of the time.

She is friendly,
understanding.
she has strong will-power,
a kind heart,
a positive mind,
a person who is full of dreams and futures,
an independent lady as well.

She is a patient listener,
a good teacher,
that motivates me always,
she is an optimist.

SHE
i dont really know her,
i have not meet her before,
neither talk to her before.

To me,we have a limit.
In between both of us.
Maybe this is the best way in keeping our friendship close,
the only way that works.
A relationship that is created coincidently.

I want it to last AS LONG AS IT COULD BE.
Because i feel glad to have you,
lucky to meet u,
ALWAYS feel comfortable to talk to you.

but,
there is A little dissapointment in my heart,
because the feeling is like , a path that is in front but i just could't walk on it.
, a thread that i can see but i could't touch.
, a fragrance that i smell nice but i do not know does
it comes from.
And you're always such an ANONYMOUS that I KNOW.AND APPRECIATE.